Luigi's Other Experiment: Test Group 2
by Eternal Smasher
Summary: Luigi's first stop in the Randomizer Dimension leads him to meet Sonic, and later, Tails. How can he experiment with the group he's supposed to be helping defeat Eggman again? Luck. Finally updated.
1. Upon Arrival

_Okay, Sonic fans. This is the second stage in Luigi's Other Experiment, originally a Smash Bros. only story. It is taking place in the video game universe (the stability of the setting is questionable though). This isn't meant to be serious, so try not to be upset about the pairings. Just like the one before it, this story is feedback generated._

Luigi looked up at the clear blue sky and groaned. Ever since Master Hand had plucked him into the Randomizer Dimension, his bottom had been stuck in a tree stump. Which was about 73 minutes ago.

"Anyone?"

What exactly had he been doing for 73 whole minutes? The first 5 minutes were spent trying to get unstuck. The next 10 minutes were spent looking around the vast, thick woods. The next 5 minutes were spent trying to get unstuck. The next 7 minutes were spent calling for help. The next 2 minutes were spent trying to fall asleep. The next minute was spent whining. The next 4 minutes were spent trying to figure out how many minutes he had wasted. The next 9 minutes were spent trying to get unstuck.

"Hello?"

Hey, I'm counting. The next 10 minutes were spent thinking. The next 10 minutes were spent shooing away squirrels, birds, raccoons, a cheetah, and some vultures. And the last 10 minutes had been spent yelling for help/treating the scratches made by the cheetah.

"This is getting ridiculous…IS ANYONE HUMAN OUT THERE?"

He felt a slight breeze.

"Ooh, that was refreshing. IS ANYONE HUMAN-"

Luigi blinked, and (insert fanfare here) Sonic the Hedgehog stood right in front of him, trying hard not to burst into hysterics.

"Wanna tell me how this happened?"

"Ah, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Wait…wasn't I supposed to be here only an hour?" Luigi wondered aloud.

Sonic held out his hand. "Come on. I'll pull you out."

"Hang on, I'm thinking. He said an hour a dimension…maybe me not moving halted that. Or maybe time moves slower here."

"You done?"

"Yeah, get me out."

Sonic's gloved hand clasped Luigi's gloved hand, and Sonic tugged once. There was brief silence after that.

"…Um…I'm still, you know, stuck."

Sonic jumped straight up. Luigi popped right out of the stump and landed on his feet, surprisingly.

"Thanks, uh…"

"Sonic."

"Sonic, huh? Cool name. Well-"

Sonic sped away.

"Wait!"

Sonic sped back.

"What?"

Luigi picked his jaw up from the floor. "…Can you take me with you? I'm a bit lost."

"_Like that's surprising,_" Sonic thought. "I don't see a problem with that. Just…try not to get stuck in anything else on the way there."

"I won't. Hopefully."

"…Grab on tight. You're in for a Sonic ride!"

14.7 seconds later

Luigi, very stiff, sat on the grass not too far from Tails' Workshop, trying to get himself to stop hyperventilating and start blinking. Sonic chuckled.

"Told ya."

Luigi attempted a nod, but failed horribly and fell on his side.

"Takes a while to get used to. Need anything else?"

"…N-no…th-th-thanks…" Luigi stuttered.

"Well, if you change your mind, Tails is over there." He waved to Tails, who was doing a little cleaning. Tails happily waved back, though Luigi didn't see.

"I'll be back."

Sonic sped away. Luigi soon got rid of a lot of his oxygen and was breathing normally after a couple of minutes. Then he remembered his greatness. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a perfume bottle filled with a liquid pink mixture. He looked over at Tails, who was walking towards him.

"Hmm. He'll have to do for now. Sonic'll have to wait."

"Hello, mister," Tails greeted.

"Hi." Luigi stood up and stretched.

"What's your name? You don't look like you're from around here."

"My name's Luigi Mario."

Tails fell to the floor laughing. "What the- Luigi _Mario_? Are you serious?"

Luigi nodded meekly, and Tails continued laughing. In his mind, Luigi cursed his parents. Whoever they were.

"Oh! I'm sorry." Tails stood up and giggled. "That name is too weird. _Anyway_…come on. I'll make you some hot cocoa."

"You have good taste…"

Luigi and Tails walked to the workshop, where, upon arrival, a cup of hot cocoa came out from the floor on a metallic stool. Luigi, impressed, took it and sipped. Very chocolatey. Very hot. He burned his tongue from the hotness.

It was then that Tails noticed the greatness in his pocket.

"What kind of mixture is that?"

Luigi chuckled, sipped his cocoa (forgetting about the hotness), and burned his tongue again.

"Ow. That mixture…is greatness. (insert fanfare here)"

Tails looked around for the source of the fanfare. "Creepy…"

"I'll explain it to you."

_In the next chapter. The pairings are on their way…so is the cause of the rating...and stuff...  
_


	2. Tails's True Love

_Shoulda done this much earlier…_

Luigi had just finished explaining to Tails the details of his greatness. All of which was a total lie.

He left out the chaos he had caused at the mansion and the fact that it was actually a love potion, and just added other stuff that sounded cool, like "It'll make you 28 percent better overall," and "It makes you popular." His favorite was "It'll guarantee lifelong health."

Tails was actually in awe. He'd been trying to make a mixture like his for quite some time now, to no avail. One of them melted a bird's heart from the inside. One burned. Another stunk too much. His latest tasted incredible…

"Really? It does all that?" he asked.

"You bet," Luigi said, grinning.

"…Um…can I have some?"

_It begins._

"Of course you can. I want to see how much…healthier you become."

There was brief silence.

"Ready?" asked Luigi, sipping his last bit of cocoa.

"Yeah…" Tails cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Say cheese!"

Luigi sprayed the potion in Tails' face. Tails breathed it in, impressed that this enhancement potion had no scent.

Then they waited for about a nanosecond before Tails rushed inside his workshop.

"Great. Now I have to get up."

Luigi unenthusiastically rose, waiting for Tails to come out of his workshop.

He waited for about a millisecond before the small patch of land near the shop turned into a landing strip and the Tornado 2 (with, obviously, Tails as the pilot) prepared for takeoff. Luigi ran up to Tails.

"Where's the passenger seat?"

The Tornado 2 started moving.

"Wait! Where are you- stop!" Luigi ran to the biplane's wings, jumped on top of them, almost fell off, and clutched them as tightly as he could.

"Standing on this thing looks pretty hard. Seriously, you'd need supreme balance to stand on this thing and totally not fall and die. That was ranDOOOOOOOMMMMM!"

The Tornado 2 took off. Luigi screamed like…how can I say this originally? A little bitch. Yeah. The T2 flew over the ocean, where Station Square was slightly visible in the distance. Of course, neither of the two saw it since Tails wasn't himself and Luigi was too busy screaming his head off.

"SLOW DOWN!"

Tails didn't slow down. What a surprise.

* * *

4 minutes later, at Casinopolis…  


* * *

Sonic was playing blackjack at the…blackjack table. Recently, he acquired a liking for this game of anticipation and chance. Especially since anticipation and chance had nothing to do with it, because he could see the other person's cards in less than a second.

He had a 10 and a Queen.

The dealer, Vector (part-time job), had a King and a 9. He banged his large hand on the table, causing some of the chips and spectators to jump.

"Well? What are ya gonna do?" asked Sonic, who held.

Vector growled. "This isn't right…Dealer…picks up." He got a 3. "Oh, bullshit!"

Sonic chuckled and took his chips. He had won about $600 already. Vector cried a little and sat in the corner. He fell on hard times, he did…

Crash!

The Tornado 2 crashed right through the roof of the Casino. If the majority of the people weren't so into their gambling, they would've ran away somewhere. But alas…

Luigi fell to the floor on his back. The T2 crashed into a wall. Tails jumped out of the plane. He ran to Sonic, at a speed tying his, and grabbed his hand.

Then he ran away. Luigi got up.

"…Damn."

* * *

10 minutes later…  


* * *

Tails came back, dragging both Sonic and, now, Cream, to the bathrooms. Luigi gathered some of Sonic's chips in his pockets and followed them.

The scene…oh, man, the scene…

All three were in the same stall. While Tails was frenching Sonic, he was groping Cream, who was horrified. For the first minute, then she started _liking_ it. Sonic tried to break free and run away (he didn't like it at all), but Tails easily caught him and brought him back. Then he began frenching Cream (which was passionate on both parts, unlike Sonic) while groping Sonic.

Luigi went to get a wrench.

* * *

3 minutes later…  


* * *

Luigi came back with a wrench.

"Hey, green guy! What happened to Tails? He's acting all gay!" exclaimed Sonic, still trying to break free. "I knew he liked me, but this is too much."

"Move. This is weird," Luigi said, clasping the wrench and walking towards Tails, making out with a now-only-slightly-clothed Cream. "You two!"

Cream broke free for a second. "What is it?" The second ended.

"Turn over."

Tails was in Luigi's plain view. He knocked him out with the wrench. Cream crawled away and began clothing herself, panting and blushing the whole time.

"Mister, do you know why Tails suddenly…?" she asked.

Luigi lied and shook his head.

"Hope that never happens again," said Sonic, wiping his forehead.

"Trust me, it won't," said Luigi.

_Now which one of these guys should be next? She looked like she liked it, so I'll go with the blue guy. But I need a good story…_

"Wanna forget this ever happen-"

"Um, yeah!" Sonic quickly answered.

"This should erase your memories of everything up to 6 minutes ago," Luigi said, holding his greatness.

_…Hope no one virtually kicks my ass for what I just wrote…I'm going to bed._

_5 more reviews should get a quick update._


	3. Sonic's True Love

_Wow. This is actually harder to write than the one before. That's the main reason _this_ one's taking so long._

The last time we saw our diabolical dimension-traveler, he had told Sonic that his greatness, Luigi's Experiment 1.5, would make him forget all about what happened between him and Tails (lie). Sonic was eager to eliminate the memory, while Cream just…stared at the unconscious Tails.

"You sure your brain can handle this?" Luigi asked the blue hedgehog.

"Of course it can! I'm _Sonic._ There's nothing I can't han-"

The potion was sprayed. Cream still stared at Tails, while Luigi stared at Sonic, waiting for the effects. How much more…enhanced could Sonic get? Who exactly did Sonic truly love? Where exactly did Luigi find that wrench?

The loss of hearing didn't help anybody.

Sonic created a humongous sonic boom when he took off, either bending, destroying, or shattering anything in the vicinity. Cream screamed, though not even she could hear it. Most of the casino met the same fate. Now they all had to wait. Wait for hearing. Wait for Sonic.

* * *

8 seconds later  


* * *

Sonic returned (duh). People managed to see him carrying Amy into the bathroom as their hearing slowly returned. No one managed to see what happened after that.

Luigi and Cream were able to see only a blue and pink blur circling the entire area. They could now hear Amy screaming faintly, mirrors breaking even more than before, some showers running, more of Amy's faint screaming, clothes ripping…Well, at least they couldn't hear _and_ see anything weird.

"Wait a second, mister! You did that to Tails, didn't you?" Cream asked. She was more curious than anything.

"Heh heh…yeah. Sorry." Luigi said.

"No…you don't have to be sorry."

"Oh, really?"

Cream proceeded to be captivated by the tiled floor. Luigi nodded and began thinking about how to stop Sonic, if it was at all possible. It didn't seem like it. Unless someone could squeeze their way into the little tornado Sonic had made, it looked hopeless.

"I'll be back." Luigi left the stall, trying to be as heroic as possible. Walking into the side of the doorway kinda killed that, but he still tried to get to Sonic and Amy. (Amy was still screaming…except happier now.) Cream hoped for that green guy's safe return.

Luigi walked into the blur and was knocked to the ceiling.

"Okay," he said loudly, "that didn't work." He fell on his feet, then slipped on some water and landed on his face. Cream's hope was kinda killed. But that wasn't important. This _had_ to be stopped before someone died from exhaustion or…yeah, exhaustion.

Luigi threw the wrench into the blur. It connected, with some otherworldly luck, with Sonic's dome. The blur faded where it was created: a shower. Sonic was face down on the wet floor. Amy, on the other hand…was totally naked, covering her…self…with her Piko-Piko Hammer, and staring at the wonderful man by her feet.

"Glad that worked," Luigi said, returning to the stall.

"Green guy…" Amy said, still staring at Sonic. Luigi stopped, not turning to look at her.

"Yes?"

"I plan on killing you with my hammer when I put my clothes back on."

"Heh. Didn't see that coming." Luigi rolled his eyes and continued walking.

"But first…I wanted to thank-"

"Yeah, that's nice. We need to get Tails and Sonic to a place where they can lay down. Know of any place?"

"Well, there's a hotel not too far from-"

"Yeah, that's nice. Let's go." Luigi left the bathroom, forgetting everyone.

* * *

7 minutes later, Hotel, Room 5G  


* * *

Sonic and Tails were sleeping in the same bed, while Luigi, Cream, and Amy watched. Well, Cream was watching Tails, and Amy was watching Sonic, and Luigi was watching TV.

"You people don't have any science channels? Geez…" Luigi said, flipping through channels.

"Good thing we found those 30 rings on the way here," said Cream.

"Yeah…Wait. I'm supposed to kill that guy for-" Amy turned to the empty chair, then to the open window. "He just jumped 5 or so stories."

"Uh-huh…" Cream said.

* * *

Meanwhile…  


* * *

Luigi was stuck in a bush he'd landed in, trying to escape back to the casino. That croc interested him and his greatness…

_Yes, this took forever. No, I won't ask for a review total this time to make it up. But let's see how much that actually matters._


	4. Vector's True Love

_I'm still alive, and so is this story. But not the feedback generation; I killed it._

Luigi now stood at a Craps table, observing Vector in the same corner he was in before, having a smoke. Technically, he was trying to get his lighter to work so he could have a smoke. Okay, technically, he was stomping on his lighter repeatedly _because_ it didn't work. But that had nothing to do with Luigi.

"Hey, mustache, you playin'?" a guy with 7 or 8 girls surrounding him asked Luigi.

"No…"

Luigi moved to the side and the swinger started to play. As soon as Vector was done with his little tantrum, he'd go over there.

* * *

15 minutes later…  


* * *

As soon as he was done…was taking too long. Luigi had gotten bored 5 minutes earlier, and resorted to burning stuff with his fireballs: the craps table, 2 of the girls, a pigeon that somehow flew in (that one took a while, and Luigi missed a lot), and the floor. And the security guards that tried to kick him out. So now, only Vector remained. And he had absolutely no idea what happened. Then…

"Need a light?"

Luigi lit Vector's cigarette. He slowly turned to him, with eyes as wet as a puddle, in silent, undying gratitude. Then he quickly changed his demeanor.

"Uh, thanks. That stupid thing wouldn't work for me." He inhaled while Luigi examined the lighter.

"This is filled with water."

Vector growled. "Espio…"

Luigi cradled his pocketed greatness, thinking of how to administer it. But Vector was just standing there smoking, so…he sprayed him. Plain and simple. Vector dropped his cigarette, slowly turned around, and took off. Luigi heard a wall being penetrated somewhere.

"…What else is there to burn? Oh, duh, all the money."

* * *

6 minutes later  


* * *

Vector returned. With Rouge. Technically, it was a fake Rouge. Even technically-er, it was a cardboard cutout of Rouge. Poorly drawn and a little soggy (yuck). And Vector was making out with it on the burnt Craps table (double yuck).

Luigi left.

* * *

Back at Room 5G  


* * *

Amy and Cream were gone. They left a note on Sonic's nose. It read:

_Green Guy,_

_We left this note on Sonic's nose so you could see it. We went to get some lunch. We may or may not get captured by Eggman; in case we do, inform Sonic immediately. He's used to the whole rescuing thing. In case you need to find us, we're in the only burger place in the city. Also, I, Amy, still want to kill you._

_ Amy & Cream_

Luigi put the note back on Sonic's nose. "I'm offended…Green Guy...? The Beanbean Kingdom gave me enough of that. Might as well go see if they're still there."

Tails snored loudly, turned over, and fell off the bed. Luigi snickered and burned the TV.

"I'm off!"

He jumped out the window again and survived again.

* * *

Several minutes later…  


* * *

Luigi walked to the center of the city, where that burger place was. When he was almost there, he finally decided to see what was causing that enormous shadow. He looked up.

A huge ship was slowly flying overhead. He couldn't really make out the color, but it looked mainly red and black. And it was very big. Half the size of the city. And as high as it was, he could faintly hear Amy screaming.

"…This looks like a sub-plot or something…" Luigi yawned and turned to go back to the hotel.

_The shortness is abundant in this one…oh well. Sub-plot. Nice…_


	5. Knuckles' True Love

_Yah. This took a while. I'm gonna try to make it long (er)._

Luigi walked to the door of Room 5G, which had been broken down completely. He looked inside the empty room. The first thing he noticed was that there was no one in it (duh). The beds had been made, the TV had been replaced, and, somehow, a letter hung on Luigi's nose.

"How'd this get here?" He grabbed it and read:

_Green Dude, _

_I put this note on your nose so you would see it. Tails woke me up and told me that another one of Eggman's ships was in the area. So we had to go. When we're done saving the world, we'll pay for everything. For some reason, Eggman has rings just laying around…_

_Sonic_

The font for the word "Sonic" was solid blue with a yellow outline. Luigi liked it.

"Green Dude? Oh, come now! Wait, that's not important. My experiment is in danger. I can't just spray any regular old person. This Eggman guy sounds like a good subject…"

Luigi looked out the window. A dramatic breeze blew across his face.

"But how do I get up there? That plane's useless…Oh! I have a brilliant idea!"

Luigi jumped out the window, survived, and ran somewhere. Somewhere was the tallest building in the city. He looked straight up at the gigantic ship, which was about to depart from Station Square entirely. He picked up a pebble he found on the way and prepared to throw. Right before he launched, he set the pebble ablaze and let it fly. Luigi had a good arm. Surprisingly, when the tiny rock connected, there was an explosion. The ship stopped flying.

"Heh. I'm good," Luigi boasted, brushing his shoulders off.

A green beam…beamed…down on Luigi. He felt himself getting lighter and lighter, as if he were made of helium or something. He felt himself rise. He began to feel smugger. It worked. He was becoming part of the sub-plot.

* * *

The beaming process lasted 20 seconds. He found himself inside some type of dark, mechanical lobby, with sofas and vending machines intact. Oh, and the robots holding him at gunpoint.

"Freeze. Do not exercise force, or you will be terminated," the robots said in unison.

Luigi made a full circle, and then raised his hand.

"Can I get a soda first?"

The robots looked at each other, and then looked at Luigi.

"Make it quick." A robot motioned toward the soda machine. Luigi pulled out 2 rings he picked up during the beaming and slowly walked toward the soda machine. The robots followed him, keeping him at gunpoint. He inserted both rings and punched in his order: F3 (Chaos Soda). It fell to the bottom. Luigi slowly picked it up. The robots still followed his every move. He opened his soda and sipped it. It tasted like seltzer water, which he despised, but he pretended to like it.

"Mmm…refreshing…" At the "refre" part, he almost puked. "You guys want some?"

"No. If that enters our systems, we will crash," a robot said.

"What are you, chicken?"

"We are not-"

Luigi started making chicken noises.

"That is uncalled f-"

Luigi started making louder chicken noises.

"You know what? Bring it, bitch."

All of the robots bought themselves a Chaos Soda and "drank" them in one gulp.

"Ha! And what?"

Luigi ran away. The robots prepared to fire, but they exploded before they got the chance.

Our "hero" now found himself in a short, dark hallway leading to an elevator, which must lead to the deck. Besides that, a red creature with dreadlocks was about to enter said elevator. He turned around and eyed the strange man.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name's Luigi. I'm looking for a guy called Eggman. Do you work for him or something?"

"A little…in the past…" he embarrassingly admitted. Then he became angry. "What do you care? And why do you want to meet him?"

"There's something I want to try."

"Yeah, whatever. Just don't expect me to protect you."

"Didn't you just hear the explosions? Didn't even have to lift a finger."

Knuckles walked into the elevator, with Luigi following close behind. The door closed behind them, and they rose at high speed. There wasn't much of a view, so Luigi resorted to conversation.

"Seriously, you didn't hear the-"

"No."

"Oh. Why are you here?"

"The Master Emerald disappeared again. And it vanished as soon as this thing showed itself. Eggman must be using it for something."

The elevator jerked to a stop, and the glass doors opened. The two walked out side-by-side, traversed the short hallway, and exited on the ship's deck.

More robots awaited them. Luigi jumped straight up, while Knuckles punched a hole through the robot in front of him. Several robots fired their weapons at the airborne Italian. He was able to dodge them all and launch fireballs at the robots, knocking them to the ground. Knuckles used his Shovel Claw to destroy them. Luigi landed.

"Good teamwork," he said, about to give Knuckles a five. Knuckles walked right past him. 5 seconds later, Luigi followed.

"So where are we-"

"_I'm_ going to the middle of the ship."

Luigi looked ahead. The middle of the ship had to be about 400 yards away. And he planned on running there. He had a faster, unscented way…

"I know how we can get there quicker."

Knuckles was interested. "How?"

"Speed potion." Luigi showed the greatness to Knuckles. "No ingestion necessary."

"So how does it-"

Luigi sprayed the potion in Knuckles' face. He backed up a little and sniffed. Luigi held on to his locks. Knuckles began his run. He, like Tails, could now run at Sonic's speed. But during his run, he jumped up high and flew. Actually flew. Not glided, as in his altitude decreased over time, but flew, as in he kept his altitude constant. And he was flying rather fast, too. Within half a minute, they reached what looked like the cockpit. Luigi let go of Knuckles, who kept on flying.

Luigi crashed through the green glass, where Amy & Cream were being imprisoned.

* * *

Meanwhile…  


* * *

Rouge, who had been sent to investigate the appearance of this new ship, was flying toward it in a small jet. What a coincidence.

"Is that…?"

She could swear that red thing flying towards her was Knuckles. He crashed through the cockpit's window and tackled Rouge. That caused the jet to start rising up. Knuckles started feeling her up. Rouge knew this would happen eventually; had it happened anywhere else, she would've gladly let it flow. But the jet was in danger of crashing, and she needed to get him off to regain control.

And that wasn't easy. She tried rolling him off, but Knuckles was unrollable. When she rolled, he rolled, and the position was reset. The huge ship launched a bevy of homing missiles at the jet. The two dodged all of them with lucky skill. All except the one that hit the left wing.

"Knuckles, can't this wait?"

Knuckles didn't respond. He was about to kiss her when Rouge kicked him into the control panel, shocking him into slight paralysis. She quickly got up and, since control was completely lost, prepared the jet for a crash landing. She grabbed Knuckles and jumped out the glassless window.

* * *

Meanwhile…  


* * *

Luigi had already set Amy & Cream free. It wasn't too hard. But Eggman was nowhere to be found. Amy still wondered what was taking Sonic so long, but she was relieved to be freed, even if this guy did the freeing.

Rouge & Knuckles crashed through the glass.

"Oh, great. What are you doing here? And what have you done with Knuckles?" Amy asked.

"I had to! He was acting incredibly-"

The jet crashed and exploded nearby. An alarm sounded.

"We're in trouble now…" Cream said.

Knuckles regained movement. Then Rouge kicked him into the wall, knocking him out.

"What was that for?" Amy asked in horror.

"I think the green guy can explain." Rouge flew out of the cockpit and began her sole search. Amy looked at Luigi…who wasn't there.

"He keeps running away…"

_This be way longer. Maybe not as funny, but…hey, I updated something!_


	6. Espio's True Love?

_Well, Chapter 2 of Celebrity Interviews vanished, so I'll just have to give you guys this._

Luigi had successfully found a place to hide on this gigantic ship. The girls' bathroom. Why a girls' bathroom even existed on the ship was a mystery to him, but it worked. Seriously. There weren't even any female robots, so what exactly was the point?

"This Eggman guy's a weirdo."

The alarms were still going. The robots were probably still out there. He didn't want to get caught this early. But he didn't want to lose his experimental privileges either. He was indeed in a tight spot…The dramatic breeze from the last chapter blew across Luigi's face.

_Damn. If only I had some kind of weapon…and where's that breeze coming from? _

Luigi looked around the bathroom for some type of weapon.

_Toilets? Nah, too nailed down._

_Stall doors? Hmm…that's a maybe._

_Sinks? Nah, too connected to the wall._

_Dryer? Same deal._

_Urinals? Same d- wait. Oh, forget it._

_Soap dispenser? The stall doors have some competition…_

_Okay, the stall doors will work._

Luigi dropkicked a stall door off its hinges. It was about 2 feet taller than he was, and surprisingly light, which was great news. Not only was it a more than worthy shield, but it would make a decent wieldy weapon as well. He grabbed the rectangular door by its sides and slowly approached the door that led outside, preparing for the worst. He twisted the handle. He kicked the door open. He ran, screaming like a total 'tard, holding his shield in front of him.

There was gunfire everywhere. At least, that's what he heard. In reality, the coast was clear, save for the giant bee that was mercilessly struck by Luigi's shield.

"Oops! Think I hit something."

Luigi put his weapon on its side and observed the front. There was indeed a giant bee stuck onto it, looking dazed. He took out a pocket spatula and scraped him off. "Sorry about that. I got a little carried away."

"Yeah, well, thanks a lot…" the bee replied, rising.

"Charmy, are you hurt?"

Luigi looked to his left. Besides the pile of destroyed robots, he noticed a large, purple chameleon walking towards the bee.

"Well no! Not at all! I mean, getting hit by a metal door at high speed…I barely felt it!"

"Guess that's a yes. I hope you apologized to him."

"Yeah, I did. Who are you two?"

"I'm Espio, and the june bug over there is Charmy."

"Hey! That's not nice!"

"Our so-called leader is MIA. Perhaps you've seen him. Giant alligator? Doesn't need any further describing."

Luigi thought for a bit. He remembered, unfortunately.

"He's at the casino."

"Figures," sighed Espio. "Every time he gets just a handful of money, it's off to the casino…I really need to be promoted."

"He always says that," Charmy whispered to Luigi. Espio grunted.

"Well can Vector do this?"

A robot charged at Espio from behind. In the blink of an eye, he appeared behind the hulk of metal. He launched a flurry of shurikens at the entire back of the 'bot, from head to heel. It turned around and prepared to fire its gun. Espio backflipped right before the gun fired, resulting in the robot blowing its own head off.

Luigi whistled. Charmy crossed his arms.

"Showoff."

"Anyway, why exactly are you here?"

"I'm doing a little experiment with creatures such as yourselves, and eventually Eggman."

"Cool! What kinda experiment?" Charmy asked.

"Oh, you'll see…"

_You will see…_

"I have a better question. Why were you in the girls' bathroom?" Espio asked curiously.

"Yeah…about that-"

"Shh." Espio shushed his reply. He could hear more of them coming. "I really don't feel like-"

"Let's run away!" Charmy practically yelled.

"My thoughts exactly." Espio and Charmy prepared to flee, when Luigi halted them.

"Espio, I can get you there faster."

"Well hurry up with it, then."

_Done._

Luigi sprayed his greatness in Espio's face. Espio stared at him for a little while. That little while became close to a minute.

"…This is no time for games. Let's go!"

_WHAT THE-_

Luigi followed Espio and Charmy with his shield, completely confused as to what just happened. They all approached a sort of deep ravine-like section of the ship. They all knew what had to be done. Only Espio and Charmy succeeded in utilizing that knowledge. Luigi _almost_ made the jump, but ended up falling into the "ravine". Charmy wanted to stop and laugh at him.

But enough about Charmy. Let's analyze Luigi's fall.

Luigi first slid down a metallic ramp ass-first. He hit a lump and started tumbling down, and lost his shield. It took 27 seconds for him to start freefalling. He couldn't see a lower deck from his height. 10 seconds into the freefall, he landed on a flying surveillance bot, which was small enough and wide enough for him to sit on (though he landed on his head). The bot's flight pattern became heavily screwed. It rose, steering in random, sudden directions. Luigi chose this point to look around. 44 feet below him, on the middle deck, he could see Sonic entering a room. He picked there to get off. He guided the bot to the area.

12 feet from the room's entrance, the bot exploded. Luigi fell on his back, shocked, offended, hurt, and slightly on fire.

"Well! How rude was that?" Luigi patted out the flames on his left arm and stood up. Then he Matrix-dodged Sonic, who was sent flying out of the room by another explosion, and grabbed his foot in the process, stopping his flight.

"You actually made it up here," Sonic said.

"Like you expected anything different."

"Actually, I thought the robots would've already shot you dead by now."

"…No respect…Anyway, what just happened in there?"

Sonic stared into the flames. The dramatic breeze came back. Luigi was jealous.

"Shadow just happened."

_No love whatsoever…for now. I don't think this one was as funny. But it's here, and it's better than nothing._


	7. Shadow's True Love

_At this rate, this won't end for a while. Is that good or bad? Hm._

Sonic and Luigi- no wait, that guy's not the main character.

_Luigi_ and _Sonic_ stood in front of the flaming doorway, waiting for whoever this Shadow fella was to emerge. Who else was supposedly immune to the greatness that was Luigi's Experiment 1.5?

"I want what belongs to me."

Shadow stood in the flames. He looked pissed.

"Don't get in my way if you plan on leaving here alive."

"Oh, really? You're in my way too, you know," Sonic said, getting ready to brawl if necessary.

Shadow charged toward Sonic. Luigi jumped in front of him.

"Wait a second!"

Shadow stopped right in front of him. "Who are you supposed to be?"

"Oh, just a plumber on punishment. My name's Luigi, and-"

"This doesn't concern you. I don't want to hurt you, but I will." Shadow's right fist clenched tighter.

"I bet you will. Just listen to me for a second."

"Luigi, what are you doing?" Sonic asked in confusion.

"I just wanna see something. Stand there and look tough or something. This won't take too long," Luigi whispered. He patted Sonic on the back, which wasn't very smart.

Shadow just looked on.

"What is it that you're looking for?" Luigi asked.

Shadow extended both of his wrists. They were bare.

"When the Doctor showed up, my rings disappeared. I don't know how he did it, but he must have them. Without them, I'm a mere shell of my former self."

"Wow. Honestly, I didn't even know they were gone," Sonic admitted.

"We'll help you find them. How's that?" Luigi suggested.

"Yeah, you're not much of a rival without them, are you?" Sonic teased.

Shadow said nothing. He was probably thinking. Luigi was teeming with anticipation.

"You two just try not to get in the way."

"Good. Now, where are we headed?" Luigi asked.

"We still don't know where Eggman actually is," Sonic said.

"HEY! I FOUND SONIC! DOWN HERE!"

The incredibly loud yelling belonged to Charmy. Sonic sighed. Luigi's sleeve caught fire again, and he quickly put it out. Then it caught fire again. Shadow was just leaving.

"We're helping Shadow find his rings. Coming with?" Sonic asked Charmy, both ignoring Luigi's futile efforts.

"Lemme ask Espi-"

"No."

Espio jumped down from above. Luigi laughed at the wordplay, and then continued with his fire situation.

"Where's your leader?" Sonic asked.

"Casino again," Espio regrettably responded.

Sonic shrugged and went after Shadow. Luigi did the same, trying to ignore the fire.

"So, where-ow-are we headed again?" Luigi asked anyone who'd answer.

"I'm surprised Eggman didn't show up already. The alarm _did_ sound a while ago," Sonic wondered.

"SONIC! HELP!"

The incredibly loud yelling came from Amy. She was in trouble. Dur.

"Me and my big mouth. Shadow, I guess you're on your own!" Sonic grabbed Luigi's hand (the non-flaming one) and prepared to take off. Right then and there, Luigi pulled out his greatness and sprayed Shadow with it. He almost sneezed, and was very offended.

"What the hell was that?"

60 feet away, Sonic and- no, **_Luigi_** and **_Sonic_** were trying to find out where the screams were coming from. They were headed in the right direction, which was unfortunately laced with more of those lethal robot thingies. 1 of them was visibly damaged, and looked familiar to Luigi. It pointed at him.

"That was a cheap trick, you bastard."

Sonic used Luigi as a (semi-flaming) weapon at this point. He rushed over to the pissed bot and used Luigi to kick its head clean off. He continued his previous rush while expertly dodging a rain of bullets. He jumped, tossing Luigi high in the air, and Light Speed Attacked each robot into several hundred pieces. Luigi fell flat on his face. Sonic thought he caught him, but he grabbed his non-burning hand right after he hit the floor.

Anyway, Eggman was right above them, in his Egg-mobile, with Amy and Cream captured yet again, this time in separate electromagnetic confinements attached to each side of the machine. Sonic picked up speed, and Luigi was still on fire. He reached a conveniently placed tower, and proceeded to run up its side (which was in front of him). Once he reached the top, he leaped backwards, soaring upside-down. Halfway to Eggman, Sonic launched Luigi. He latched onto his bald head for dear life, slightly burning it in the process.

"Hey! Get off of me, you-"

"Luigi! Duck!"

Luigi ducked as well as he could in that space. Sonic came quick, kicking Eggman in the head and launching himself further up. Luigi helped by setting Eggman's jacket on fire. Then the Egg-mobile exploded suddenly, surprising everyone and freeing Amy and Cream. As everybody started to fall towards the ground, Luigi finally managed to put out the flames.

There was a gust of wind, and Amy was gone.

Eggman somehow warped somewhere else. Sonic figured that he finally decided to do something smart, that he had several warp points on the ship for emergency cases such as this. But where'd Amy go all of a sudden?

Luigi landed on his nose, which didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. Sonic landed on his feet. Cream hovered to a landing using those ears of hers.

"Okay…anyone else feel _really_ unsatisfied?" asked Luigi. "Anyone? Show of hands?"

"Thank you for saving me Mr. Sonic and…did you tell me your name?" said Cream.

"Nope. I'm Lu-"

"What do you guys think coulda happened to Amy?" Sonic asked, half confused, half frustrated, and one-eighth tired.

"I have a pretty good idea. She'll be 'safe' for a while. No troubles," Luigi informed.

"Are you sure? I don't want anything to happen to her."

"Oh, things will be happening to her. Just not evil things like the fat guy was doing."

"Well, what kind of things?" Sonic was a bit worried. A bit.

Luigi didn't want to explain. He thought maybe this question would answer his.

"How old is that Shadow guy, anyway?"

"…I don't think he has an age…"

"Oh, well okay then."

There was partial silence for about 30 seconds (the alarms had ceased). They could faintly hear her making very "safe", satisfied sounds.

"Yeah, that's nice. Anyway-"

Sonic left quickly, interrupting Luigi.

"Great…"

"Mister, what do we do now?" Cream asked.

Luigi thought for a bit. The noises continued.

"Look for the fat guy?"

"If you say so."

Luigi's sleeve caught fire again. He was pissed.

"Do you guys need some help?"

A familiar voice. Tails.

_...Okay. Wonder where this is going. And it's about time Egghead developed some type of warp system. It's also about time Tails showed up. How will Amy be changed after this? What in God's name is Shadow doing to her (we'll probably never know)? Can Luigi finally stop catching on fire for no reason? I dunno yet._


	8. Charmy's True Love

_Wow. Haven't been anywhere near this section in so long. Enjoy the latest bit of nuttiness._

Luigi and Cream awaited Tails' landing. He had just arrived after Sonic left to possibly retrieve Amy. Maybe. Now the awkwardness could begin.

"Um, hello again, Cream..." Tails couldn't look at her directly.

"Yes, hi Tails, again..." Cream couldn't look at him directly.

"Good, you're here. Now I have a method of getting around without walking." Luigi was totally ignored by Tails and Cream totally not looking at each other.

"Guys? We totally have to save your friend thingies from that fat guy. Well, _you_ do, and I have to use you for transportation. So let's go. Totally."

Tails snapped out of his awkwardness. "Which way?"

Luigi was digging in his eye. "Uh?"

"I'm pretty sure you were with Sonic when he took off. Which way did he go?"

"Oh, you don't wanna do that."

"Well...why?"

"Just a distinct, strong-"

Luigi was interrupted by a distant explosion. Tails and Cream immediately turned toward the source, which was about 50 yards northeast.

"Feeling."

"Come on, uh...you. We're going to the explosion site to see what's up," Tails said, grabbing Luigi's left hand. "Cream, grab his right. It'll make things easier for everyone."

Cream complied without question. The two prepared for takeoff: Tails spun his tail-like tails like propellers, while Cream flapped her wing-like ears like wings. They got off the ground relatively quickly, and in a matter of seconds, they were headed towards the flames and smoke at 21.48 miles per hour.

Luigi spent the majority of the flight observing the ground. So many robot remains...

"I hope Sonic didn't get into too much trouble," wondered Tails.

"Tails, look out!" Cream exclaimed. She and Tails threw Luigi vertically as hard as they could and dodged a laser blast. They quickly discerned its origin: robotic dragonflies with small laser cannons for tails. There were only four of them visible. Tails went after one, as did Cream. The other two went after Luigi.

"Oh, mushrooms."

Because Luigi was falling now, the dragonflies dove to catch up to him. They both fired their lasers. Luigi just narrowly dodged them; one somehow set one of his gloves ablaze. He removed it rapidly and replaced it with another.

Tails charged at a dragonfly and kicked it in its head. He then flew behind it and carefully gripped the laser cannon. The dragonfly went into a frenzy, flying as randomly as possible, trying to blow Tails' head off.

Cream had managed to grab her dragonfly by the bottom, and had the upper hand. She aimed the tail at Tails' assailant. It had to be an insanely accurate shot. She needed a lot of luck for this.

Luigi was in trouble. The dragonflies had Luigi trapped. One was above him and one was directly below. They both began to charge their lasers. Luigi clenched both his fists. His left became engulfed in flame. His right became charged with electricity. He fired before the dragonflies were able to, frying one and overloading the other.

Cream had made several attempts for a good shot, and all had failed. Tails lost his grip and was rammed by the robot.

"Tails! Okay, that does it!"

Cream made a direct hit with the laser, then snapped the useless dragonfly in two with her knee.

Oh, and Luigi was still falling.

"They'd never catch me from that height. I do believe I'm screwed..."

He closed his eyes and braced himself for impact. Right when he would've hit the deck...he didn't. Somebody or something caught him.

"So, we meet again, huh?"

Luigi knew that voice. It was definitely Charmy.

"Can you put me down?"

Charmy dropped him on his back.

"Yeah, you're welcome, jerk," Charmy said, crossing his arms.

"Mister! Are you okay down there?" Cream called out from above.

"He's fine Cream! What about you?" Charmy yelled back.

"I think I'm okay!"

"Wow, Cream. You saved my tails. Thanks a lot," Tails said, reaching out his hand. It took Cream a second to get what he was giving, and another two seconds to actually cooperate. She shook his hand firmly and giggled. Tails chuckled in return.

"Good thing everyone's okay."

Luigi turned around. It was Espio, whom he hadn't seen during his fall.

"Oh, it's you. The immune one. What's going on?"

"We, probably like you, are headed toward that explosion. I think I heard screaming."

"Guy, we're just gonna go ahead! See you later probably!" Tails called out as he and Cream flew at a much higher speed toward the explosion site.

"Great! Now I'm...stuck on the ground again." Luigi lowered his head in shame.

"I can-" Charmy was interrupted.

"Sorry, I'm not a big fan of bugs...touching me."

"C'mon, Espio, let's get outta here." Charmy was angry. No one cared.

_Oh, almost forgot._

As Charmy hovered by Luigi with his arms folded, he encountered the greatness. He rubbed his nose vigorously and shook his head rapidly.

"Espio, can I sting him?"

"How many times?"

"Oh, just enough."

Luigi stood up and stepped back.

"No Charmy, calm down and keep going."

"Fine, _sir..._" As Charmy continued hovering in the site's general direction, Espio noticed that he was slowly gaining altitude. After a few more seconds, he took off like a rocket.

"He's never been this angry. I'll go check on him." Espio started to run, but he had one more thing to say to Luigi. "If you had anything to do with this...so help you..."

Espio took off too. Luigi was back at square 1. More like square 1.5.

"Um...right...what can I use for transport...?" Luigi looked around. There were several pieces remaining of the robo-dragonflies, and a whole, overloaded one. But that was it.

"Oh, right, I keep forgetting that I invent things. Time to get to work."

* * *

Roughly 10 minutes later...  


* * *

Luigi had managed to reconstruct a dragonfly, but it was modified with a speed increase and a small harness. It went on Luigi's back, and it was currently being used as his means of transport. He was almost at the explosion site, where things may or may not have gotten weird.

"Okay...time to survey the damages..."

1. Sonic and Shadow were fighting over Amy. Needless to say, Amy was thrilled at this...but still a little sor- moving on.

2. Espio and Tails were trying to get Charmy away from Cream. It proved to be much harder than anyone had expected. He moved more like a fly than a bee.

3. Knuckles had just arrived at the site, confused as ever. Our "hero" decided to fly over to him and have a little chat.

4. Much of the surrounding area was aflame, but that's not important.

"Remember me?" Luigi asked, landing.

"What the hell is that on your back?" Knuckles asked. The confusion irritated him.

"This is my way of getting around...and my back armor...and my weapon...this is the equivalent of food right now, I need it to live."

"Whatever you say. Any idea what's going on?"

The two watched both fights for a little bit. Sonic managed to trip Shadow, but he caught himself, warped above Sonic and stomped on his head. Charmy made a mad dash for Cream, but Tails drop-kicked him from below.

"Sonic and Shadow, I believe, are fighting over that pink one in the corner. The bee with the attitude problem just got sprayed by my greatness and is apparently after the rabbit, so Tails and the purple guy are trying to keep him away from her."

"Sprayed?"

Knuckles punched Luigi in the face so hard he fell. But he fell on his back, so he was relatively fine.

"I remember that spray. It's something evil. Why? What do you want with us?"

Luigi tried to talk, but couldn't for some reason.

"I'll give you a bit to explain yourself."

_Let's make that bit a chapter gap, shall we?_


	9. Stalled

_Over two years. Goodness. *cracks knuckles and neck, stretches, exhales dramatically* __**LET'S DO THIS.**_

A chapter ago, Luigi attempted to explain the motivations behind his experiment, but he failed so horribly that the story didn't bother waiting. Slowly rising after being punched in the face by Knuckles and readjusting his jaw, Luigi began to speak.

"Well, I'm waiting," Knuckles said, impatiently. "Ugh, that sounded like something Sonic would say." The similarity irritated him.

"Okay, I'll tell you everything," Luigi finally said. Both parties managed to ignore the chaos that was occurring since they arrived. "I came from a strange world. And in this strange world, a giant hand recruited me to come to another strange world-"

"That's enough. You're obviously trying to keep your background secretive."

_That…was completely true, but_ "I'm glad you understand, um…" Luigi motioned for the semi-stranger's name. This motion involved him tilting his head to one side a bit, with a kind of slow speed, and looking diagonally up as if trying to remember something.

"Knuckles. And I never said I understood."

"Not to sound like a jerk, but that made you sound really dumb." Knuckles grasped Luigi's collar in the classic, pissed-off, two-handed, lifted-slightly-off-the-ground, you're-gonna-tell-me-everything-or-I-swear-to-God-I'll-kill-you-where-you-stand way.

"_What do you want from us?_" Knuckles growled. Did I mention he was pissed? Cause he was. And Luigi saw it too. That needed to be quelled ASAP.

"I know I seem suspicious, but I really mean you guys no harm!" Desperation seeped into Luigi's voice. Knuckles forced him to look at the chaos that continued from when they arrived.

"Does this look harml-"

An incredibly loud whirring sound interrupted his query, and practically everything else. Luigi noticed that all the debris in the area was rising. So was he. And so were the rest. Movement was restricted to helpless flailing, which Charmy and Shadow were doing quite a bit of. Shadow's attempts at Chaos Control were somehow rendered useless. Everyone could still talk, though.

"WHAT IS THAT NOISE?" Amy screamed, covering her ears and trying to maneuver herself so that she wasn't looking straight up.

"IT'S SOME KIND OF ENERGY FIELD, BUT IT'S SO LOUD!" Tails screamed, being one of the two who could see what was happening. Apparently, no one noticed the six towers that had surrounded the characters. These towers had created this exotic, boisterous energy field that trapped the characters.

A familiar laugh managed to penetrate the excessive noise.

"Didn't see this one coming, did you, Sonic and friends?" It was Eggman, naturally. Don't ask me where the voice came from. "I've had it up to here with your meddling, and this new technology is the next step in taking _you_ out of the equation and finally realizing my dream. But I figure, while I can, why not kill several birds with one stone?"

_This doesn't sound good at all,_ Luigi would've thought if he could hear himself think.

"Adios!"

The whirring devolved into deep droning as the crew was blasted off the ship by an invisible force. From the looks of things, everyone was going to land in different places. Luigi was plummeting toward a dense forest.

"That should take care of that," Eggman said to himself in his discreet location. "I'll prep the backup, just in case…"

* * *

_**SPLOOSH!**_

Luigi just happened to land in a lake, which meant he was fine. No, wait, he did drop from a very high altitude. So, no, he wasn't fine. He was unconscious. I'm tempted to say he almost died, and he almost certainly broke something. Let's just go with "he'll be okay". If he doesn't drown first.

"_I think I got something."_

Something sharp pierced Luigi's nose and began to tug. He rose from the lake's depths slowly, still out of it. When he was near the surface, a final, violent yank brought him to dry land. What a resilient nose.

"Hey, he doesn't look too good." The voice was slow and excessively dopey. It belonged to an anthropomorphic, purple cat with a white belly. He was excessively big. He was also accompanied by a frog that made the cat's head his domain. Luigi still had a fishing hook in his nose.

"What should I do, Froggy?"

The frog proceeded to bounce on Luigi's stomach repeatedly. Big watched him for about 15 seconds then spoke: "Good idea." Big stepped on Luigi's stomach, causing a spurt of water and a fit of coughing. For the record, he still had a fishing hook in his nose.

"You're okay now," Big said, staring at him.

Luigi cleared his throat and coughed once more before speaking. "Thanks a lot." He finally removed the hook too. "Looks like I'm back where I started." He pointed to the stump he landed in at the beginning of the story.

"Where'd you come from?" Big asked.

"Long story," Luigi said, wringing out his gloves. "In any case, I don't see how I'm gonna get back there. I just know my thing shorted out when I fell in the lake. If I can just get this Egg guy with the spray before time runs out, I'll be fine." Luigi took the greatness out his pocket and inspected it. "You wouldn't happen to know anybody with a flying vehicle of any kind?"

Big thought for 8.192 seconds. "…No…"

Luigi stood up. "Figures. Well, it's been fun, but I have things to do, so bye."

"Good-bye," Big said, continuing to fish. Luigi left to trek through the forest.

* * *

_1 hour later_

Luigi returned from his trek through the forest.

"Hey, I remember you!" Big exclaimed.

Luigi sighed. "Forests suck. At least I found some spare Egg parts to play with while wandering aimlessly. His technology really is something else…"

"Maybe you can fix that thing on your back?" Big suggested.

"Sure hope so. This will probably take at least 15 minutes to enhance."

* * *

_2 minutes later_

"This should do the trick!" Luigi turned on his new and improved winged jetpack thingy. It now had three jets attached instead of one, and it looked more like a hang glider than a jetpack at this point. "Time to go finish what I initially planned on doing."

"Good luck, green guy!" Big said, still fishing.

"Hey, that reminds me." Luigi walked over to Big, sprayed him, and took off with his new ride. "I think I'll see him soon…" Luigi could swear he heard a little tink behind him as he flew back to the giant aircraft.

_Okay. This one was "seriouser" than the rest of them. But don't worry too much. Insanity should return soon. Well, soon story-wise. Can't speak for real time._


End file.
